10 Reasons Why You’re Always Attracted to Guys Who Are Taken, Attraction is complex, and often, our romantic preferences don’t always make sense or align with what we consciously desire in a partner.
If you’ve found yourself frequently drawn to men who are already in relationships, it can be frustrating and confusing.
Why do you find yourself attracted to someone who is unavailable? What drives this pattern, and how can you navigate it?
In this article, we will explore ten reasons why you might be attracted to men who are already taken.
Understanding these dynamics can help you uncover underlying emotional patterns and make healthier choices moving forward.
1. They Seem More Desirable
One of the most common reasons people are attracted to someone who is already in a relationship is the simple fact that they are unavailable. There’s an old saying: “You always want what you can’t have.” This idea stems from the notion that something or someone that is not easily accessible automatically becomes more appealing.
Why It Happens:
- Scarcity Effect: When something is in limited supply, it automatically becomes more valuable. The fact that a man is taken can make him seem more desirable and increase his perceived value in your eyes.
- Human Psychology: Psychologically, we are wired to be drawn to things that seem out of our reach. A taken man is often seen as a “safe” prize because it challenges us to conquer something difficult and rare.
How It Plays Out:
- The more difficult it is to attain someone, the more you may desire them. You may also be attracted to the challenge of pursuing someone who has already been claimed by someone else, thinking that you can somehow “win” their attention.
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2. You Feel Safe from Real Commitment
Attraction to someone who is already in a relationship may stem from a fear of commitment. Relationships that involve someone already attached can be emotionally safer because they don’t require the depth and vulnerability that an exclusive relationship does.
Why It Happens:
- Avoiding Vulnerability: Being involved with someone who is already in a relationship allows you to experience emotional connection and intimacy without having to fully commit yourself. There’s less of a risk because you are not required to give your whole heart.
- Fear of Rejection: When a person is already with someone, you may subconsciously feel less pressure to take the relationship to a deeper level. You might fear rejection or the intensity of emotional commitment, so being attracted to someone unavailable helps avoid those fears.
How It Plays Out:
- Instead of opening yourself up to a new relationship where both parties are equally available, you may find comfort in the idea of having a “safe” attraction where you don’t have to worry about full emotional investment.
3. Lack of Availability Reflects Your Own Values
Some people are drawn to partners who are not readily available because it aligns with their subconscious values or past experiences. If you’ve been hurt by past relationships, you may prefer men who are emotionally distant or unavailable because it feels familiar.
Why It Happens:
- Comfort in Unavailability: If your upbringing or past relationships involved emotional unavailability, you may feel more comfortable with partners who exhibit similar traits. This lack of availability mimics the dynamics you’ve grown used to, making it feel “normal” or comfortable.
- Attachment Style: If you have an avoidant attachment style, you may unconsciously seek partners who are not fully available because you tend to keep an emotional distance yourself. It creates a dynamic where neither partner is fully open to commitment or emotional intimacy.
How It Plays Out:
- If you consistently feel more attracted to men who are emotionally distant or unavailable, this could be a reflection of your own attachment style or subconscious desire to avoid deep emotional intimacy.
4. The Idea of Competition Excites You
For some, competition can be an exciting motivator. The thought of vying for someone’s attention, especially when they are already in a relationship, can feel like a thrilling challenge.
Why It Happens:
- Competitive Nature: Some people are naturally competitive, and the idea of competing for someone’s affection, particularly when they are already in a relationship, can stir up excitement. The challenge of trying to win someone’s attention becomes more alluring when there’s competition involved.
- Validation of Worth: Winning someone over from another person can provide a sense of validation. If a taken man chooses you over his current partner, it can boost your self-esteem and make you feel desirable and worthy.
How It Plays Out:
- The thrill of competing for someone’s affection can lead to a heightened sense of attraction. You may feel a rush of excitement when trying to outdo or outshine the other person in the equation, creating an addictive dynamic.
5. You See Them as Pre-Approved
When a man is already in a relationship, he has already been “pre-approved” by someone else. In other words, the fact that someone else values him can make him seem even more desirable.
Why It Happens:
- Validation Through Others: The idea that someone else finds this man attractive or worthy can subconsciously signal to you that he must be a good choice. This external validation acts as a kind of reassurance that you’re attracted to someone of high value.
- Social Proof: In social psychology, social proof is the phenomenon where people are more likely to trust or follow the behavior of others. If someone is in a relationship, it implies that others value him, which can make you want to value him more as well.
How It Plays Out:
- The fact that a taken man is already in a committed relationship can trigger a psychological tendency to view him as more desirable because he is “pre-approved” by someone else.
6. Your Self-Esteem Needs a Boost
Attraction to a taken man can sometimes be linked to a desire for validation. You may seek out men who are already in relationships because it provides an ego boost to know that someone desirable is interested in you—even if only for a short time.
Why It Happens:
- Validation Seeking: If your self-esteem is low, you might be attracted to men who are already in relationships because their interest makes you feel desired and special.
- Boosting Confidence: The attention of a man who is taken can make you feel better about yourself, even if you know that the relationship is not going to lead to anything long-term.
How It Plays Out:
- You might feel a temporary sense of fulfillment from the attention of someone unavailable, only to experience a drop in self-esteem when the attraction doesn’t turn into a real relationship.
7. You Enjoy the Drama
For some, drama can add excitement and intensity to life. The push and pull of being attracted to a taken man can create a high-stakes emotional environment that some find intoxicating.
Why It Happens:
- Thrill of the Chase: Drama-filled situations can create adrenaline and excitement, making your attraction to someone seem more thrilling. The complexity of an affair or emotional entanglement with someone already in a relationship adds a layer of intensity.
- Escaping Boredom: If life feels monotonous or uneventful, being involved with someone who is unavailable may add the emotional excitement that you crave.
How It Plays Out:
- The unpredictability and emotional turmoil that come with pursuing someone who is already in a relationship can feel intoxicating and add drama to an otherwise dull routine.
8. They Seem More Mature
Men who are in committed relationships may appear more mature, reliable, and responsible. Their ability to commit to someone else can make them seem like they possess qualities of stability and maturity.
Why It Happens:
- Perceived Stability: Men who are already in relationships often demonstrate a level of responsibility and maturity that may be attractive. Their commitment to another person can make them appear more stable and emotionally grounded.
- Subconscious Idealization: You may subconsciously idealize these men as having traits that you desire in a partner, such as maturity and stability, even if those traits are not available to you because they are taken.
How It Plays Out:
- You may be drawn to a taken man’s stability, thinking he has all the qualities of an ideal partner, even though he is not available to you.
9. You Fear Deep Connections
On some level, being attracted to someone who is unavailable may stem from a fear of intimacy. A taken man offers an escape from forming a real, deep connection because, at the core, you know the relationship will not progress to anything serious.
Why It Happens:
- Avoiding Vulnerability: Sometimes, deep connections can feel overwhelming or frightening. Pursuing someone who is already in a relationship allows you to avoid emotional intimacy while still enjoying the idea of affection and attention.
- Fear of Intimacy: If you are afraid of being emotionally vulnerable, you may be drawn to unavailable men because they allow you to maintain emotional distance while still experiencing the excitement of attraction.
How It Plays Out:
- You might find yourself consistently drawn to men who are unavailable because they allow you to maintain a safe distance emotionally. You can experience attraction without the need for a real, emotionally intense connection.
10. You Misinterpret Your Emotions
Sometimes, the attraction to a taken man can stem from confusion about your own feelings. You might mistake a temporary emotional connection or fleeting attraction for something deeper.
Why It Happens:
- Emotional Confusion: Sometimes, attraction is mistaken for love or genuine affection. The feelings you experience may be more about longing or the desire to be wanted rather than true romantic love.
- Infatuation: Infatuation can be a confusing emotion that may feel intense but doesn’t necessarily translate into a long-term connection. When you are attracted to someone who is unavailable, you may misinterpret the attraction as something deeper than it actually is.
How It Plays Out:
- The emotional confusion surrounding your attraction to someone who is already in a relationship can lead you to believe that your feelings are stronger or more serious than they actually are.
Conclusion
Being attracted to men who are already in relationships is more common than you might think.
There are several psychological and emotional reasons why this happens, from the appeal of the unavailable to a subconscious fear of commitment.
By recognizing these patterns, you can better understand the underlying causes of your attractions and make more informed choices in future relationships.
Ultimately, it’s important to explore your emotions, understand what you truly want in a partner, and work towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships that are built on mutual availability, respect, and genuine connection.
Emma Thompson
Hi, I'm Emma Thompson, founder of MyLittleDesire. I share relationship advice, love quotes, and thoughtful gift ideas to help you express your feelings and strengthen your bonds. Let's celebrate love together!
Email – business@mylittledesire.com
