Maintaining relationships with inmates can be complicated. While some relationships are genuine, others may be rooted in ulterior motives. It’s important to recognize the signs that someone may be using you for their own benefit.
In the case of inmates, this could range from seeking emotional support to more manipulative behaviors aimed at securing resources or favorable conditions. Recognizing the signs can help you set healthy boundaries and avoid being taken advantage of.
Here are 12 signs that an inmate may be using you:
1. Constantly Asking for Favors
One of the most obvious signs that an inmate may be using you is if they are consistently asking for favors. Whether it’s requesting money, items from the commissary, or assistance with legal matters, a manipulative inmate will often find reasons to keep asking for things.
If the requests seem unending and the inmate is more focused on what they can get from you rather than giving anything back, it’s a red flag.
These favors may start small—like asking for a book or a phone card—but over time, the requests can escalate. The inmate may even make you feel guilty if you say no, playing on your emotions to get what they want.
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2. Lack of Personal Information
When a person is genuinely interested in building a relationship, they share personal details about their life, their thoughts, and their feelings.
However, an inmate who is using you will keep their personal information to themselves.
They may be vague or evasive when you ask about their past, their current experiences, or their plans for the future.
This lack of transparency could be a tactic to keep you emotionally invested in a one-sided relationship, where you give, but they never reciprocate.
Their unwillingness to open up may also be an attempt to keep you focused on their needs while avoiding any real emotional intimacy.
3. The Relationship Feels Rushed
An inmate who is using you might rush the relationship, wanting to move it forward more quickly than you’re comfortable with. This could include expressing intense feelings of attachment or love too early, often in an attempt to get you emotionally invested.
They may try to create a sense of urgency by claiming that they need you in their life immediately or that they can’t live without you.
While this can feel flattering at first, it’s important to recognize that rushing a relationship is often a manipulation tactic designed to put pressure on you.
A genuine relationship develops slowly over time, with both parties getting to know each other and building trust gradually.
4. Over-Reliance on You for Emotional Support
While inmates may experience loneliness or emotional distress due to their confinement, someone using you will go beyond normal emotional needs and create a pattern of constant reliance on you for emotional support.
This could include dumping their emotional burdens on you regularly, expecting you to be their primary source of comfort and validation.
They may continuously seek advice, reassurance, or sympathy, without ever offering anything in return.
If you find yourself always listening to their problems but never receiving the same level of support or care, it could be a sign that they are using you to fulfill their emotional needs without any real effort on their part.
5. Vague About Release Plans
When an inmate is serious about rebuilding their life post-incarceration, they’ll often discuss their future plans, including their release date and what steps they are taking to rehabilitate themselves.
However, if the inmate avoids talking about their release date or is vague about their future, it may be an indication that they are not focused on their personal growth or future, but rather on manipulating the present situation to their advantage.
An inmate who is using you may avoid specifics about when they’ll be released or the steps they are taking to improve themselves, as they may not be genuinely concerned with their future but more focused on the present benefits they can extract from you.
6. Evasiveness in Communication
If you’ve noticed that the inmate is frequently evasive or vague in their communication, this is a major red flag.
They may provide incomplete answers to your questions, avoid discussing certain topics, or change the subject whenever it’s something that makes them uncomfortable.
This evasiveness can be an attempt to keep you from asking too many probing questions or gaining clarity about their intentions.
A person who is using you will often try to keep the conversation on their terms, making it difficult for you to ask deeper or more meaningful questions.
Their goal is to maintain control of the interaction while keeping you emotionally invested.
7. Over-Reliance on You for Emotional Support
This is worth mentioning again because it can be one of the most manipulative behaviors an inmate may display. The over-reliance on you for emotional support means they seek validation, comfort, and advice constantly, while offering little in return.
If their needs begin to consume your emotional energy and your time without any reciprocity, this imbalance can be a sign of emotional exploitation.
In a healthy relationship, both individuals support each other, but when one person continually leans on the other without offering emotional exchange, it often signals a one-sided relationship.
8. Your Conversations Revolve Around Prison Life
An inmate using you will often steer all conversations toward their prison life and struggles. They may frequently talk about their hardships, conditions, and experiences within the prison system.
While this is understandable to some degree, if the inmate never takes an interest in your life or experiences, it’s a sign that they may be using the relationship for their own emotional benefit, rather than building a two-way connection.
The conversation might also stay focused on their immediate needs, with little room for mutual discussion.
This behavior can create a feeling of isolation for you, where you’re always hearing about their situation without any reciprocation.
9. They Rarely Acknowledge Your Life and Challenges
In a healthy relationship, both parties acknowledge and care about each other’s lives and challenges.
However, if an inmate is using you, they may rarely show interest in your personal experiences, struggles, or achievements. They may listen briefly but then quickly turn the conversation back to their own needs.
This lack of reciprocal care is a clear sign that the relationship is not balanced. They may be focused solely on their own survival and emotional needs, while disregarding yours.
10. They Make Promises They Can’t Keep
Inmates who are using people may make promises they never intend to keep, often to manipulate you into continuing to provide for them.
They might say things like, “When I get out, I’ll take care of everything,” or “I promise I’ll change my ways.”
These promises are often empty and serve only to keep you hooked, hoping that things will improve in the future.
Since you’re emotionally invested in the relationship, you may find yourself holding on to the hope that these promises will come true, but in reality, they often won’t.
Be wary of promises that are vague or can’t be verified.
11. Their Interest Peaks Around Visitation or Parole Times
An inmate who is using you will often show heightened interest during key times, such as when visitation or parole hearings are approaching. This is because they are hoping to secure your support or resources during these crucial moments.
If you notice that their communication becomes more frequent or their tone becomes more desperate around these times, it’s likely that they are seeking your help for practical reasons, rather than out of genuine care or concern.
12. They Avoid Talking About Rehabilitation or Personal Growth
An inmate who is genuinely focused on making positive changes in their life will typically be open to discussing their rehabilitation, the steps they’re taking to improve themselves, and their plans for life after incarceration.
However, someone who is using you may avoid these topics, focusing instead on immediate wants and needs.
By avoiding discussions about personal growth, they can continue to use you without having to confront the uncomfortable reality of their lack of effort in changing their life.
This avoidance can be a sign that they are not genuinely working on their rehabilitation and may just be using the relationship to meet their current needs.
Conclusion
Recognizing the signs that an inmate may be using you is essential for protecting your emotional well-being and maintaining healthy boundaries.
While some relationships with inmates can be genuine and supportive, others may be rooted in manipulation and self-interest.
By paying attention to these 12 signs, you can better assess whether the relationship is one-sided and take steps to protect yourself from being exploited.
If you notice these behaviors, it’s important to evaluate the relationship and consider what’s best for your emotional health. Remember, it’s okay to say no and to prioritize your own well-being.
Emma Thompson
Hi, I'm Emma Thompson, founder of MyLittleDesire. I share relationship advice, love quotes, and thoughtful gift ideas to help you express your feelings and strengthen your bonds. Let's celebrate love together!
Email – business@mylittledesire.com
