Henny Youngman, born Henry Richard Youngman on March 16, 1906, in Liverpool, England, was an iconic American comedian and violinist renowned for his quick-witted one-liners and humorous takes on everyday life. He rose to fame in the mid-20th century, performing on stages like the Catskills and appearing in films, TV shows, and Broadway. His career highlights include being dubbed the “King of the One-Liners” and influencing generations of comedians with his sharp, observational humor. Youngman’s quotes, often drawn from interviews, books, and live performances, reflect his cynical yet endearing view of life. This article focuses on 15 of his quotes about life, showcasing his trademark wit and wisdom. Sourced from various reliable outlets, these quotes provide a glimpse into his philosophy. Below is a curated list of 15 Henny Youngman quotes about life.
15 Henny Youngman Quotes
1. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” (Book, “Take My Life, Please!”, 1991)
2. “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” (Interview, The New York Times, 1980)
3. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” (Stand-up Routine, Carnegie Hall, 1975)
4. “My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.” (Book, “Henny Youngman’s Giant Book of Jokes”, 1980)
5. “I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.” (Interview, Playboy Magazine, 1969)
6. “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.” “Then don’t do that!” (TV Appearance, The Ed Sullivan Show, 1965)
7. “I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.” (Interview, Los Angeles Times, 1990)
8. “The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.” (Book, “Take My Life, Please!”, 1991)
9. “I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.” (Interview, The New Yorker, 1978)
10. “I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” (Stand-up Routine, Las Vegas, 1985)
11. “My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.” (Book, “Henny Youngman’s 1000 One-Liners”, 1973)
12. “I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.” (Interview, Chicago Tribune, 1962)
13. “I know a man who is a millionaire. He’s always bragging about how he made his money.” (TV Appearance, The Tonight Show, 1970)
14. “Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life; so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life.” (Book, “Take My Life, Please!”, 1991)
15. “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” (Interview, People Magazine, 1987)
These quotes collectively illustrate Henny Youngman’s sharp, humorous perspective on life’s quirks, from relationships and health to aging and finances. They reveal a man who used comedy to cope with and comment on the absurdities of existence, blending cynicism with charm. His one-liners remind us that laughter can be a powerful lens for understanding human experiences. What do you think of Henny’s wit? Share your favorite quote or a personal story in the comments below—let’s keep the conversation going!