A. Whitney Brown Quotes, born Alan Whitney Brown on July 8, 1952, in Charlotte, Michigan, is an American writer, comedian, and actor renowned for his biting satire on Saturday Night Live (SNL) in the 1980s, where he delivered “The Big Picture” commentary on Weekend Update. Winning an Emmy in 1988 for Outstanding Writing for SNL, he later served as an original correspondent for The Daily Show (1996–1998). Brown’s book The Big Picture: An American Commentary (1991) showcases his incisive humor.
These 15 quotes—sourced from his writings, performances, and interviews—reflect his sharp insights on society, humor, history, and human nature, capturing his irreverent, thought-provoking wit.
15 A. Whitney Brown Quotes
- “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” (BrainyQuote, n.d.)
- “I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.” (AZQuotes, n.d.)
- “Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.” (QuoteFancy, 2025)
- “The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down.” (BrainyQuote, n.d.)
- “There are a billion people in China. It’s not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. That means even if you’re a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.” (Goodreads, n.d.)
- “That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.” (BrainyQuote, n.d.)
- “I’m not an atheist. How can you not believe in something that doesn’t exist? That’s way too convoluted for me.” (Goodreads, n.d.)
- “A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.” (AZQuotes, n.d.)
- “Plant trees. They give us two of the most crucial elements for our survival: oxygen and books.” (QuoteFancy, 2025)
- “The very fact that the jaguar can become extinct while the Pekingese survives indicates to me that someone hasn’t thought this thing through.” (QuoteFancy, 2025)
- “There’s a lot we should be able to learn from history. And yet history proves that we never do. In fact, the main lesson of history is that we never learn the lessons of history.” (AZQuotes, n.d.)
- “The Baptists’ basic theology is that if you hold someone under water long enough, he’ll come around to your way of thinking. It’s a ritual known as ‘Bobbing for Baptists.’” (AZQuotes, n.d.)
- “The Bible says, ‘The truth shall make you free.’ But let’s not forget it was Spiro Agnew who said that a good lie will keep you out of jail in the first place.” (QuoteFancy, 2025)
- “I don’t know if the unborn has rights, but I do know that being born again doesn’t give you more rights.” (AZQuotes, n.d.)
- “I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.” (Goodreads, n.d.)
A. Whitney Brown’s quotes crackle with biting satire, razor-sharp wit, and a keen eye for society’s absurdities, inspiring us to question norms and laugh at life’s contradictions. Which quote tickles your sense of humor or sparks your thoughts? Share it in the comments and keep Brown’s comedic legacy alive!
Emma Thompson
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