Veronica Mars isn’t just any teenage detective—she’s a sharp-witted, fearless, and sarcastic force of nature. Whether she’s cracking cases, taking down corrupt elites, or serving up the perfect comeback, her words are just as legendary as her investigative skills.
If you’re a fan of her quick wit and unforgettable one-liners, you’re in for a treat!
Here are 50+ Veronica Mars quotes that capture her charm, intelligence, and undeniable attitude.
50+ Veronica Mars Quotes
Veronica Mars Quotes
Keith Mars
- If child services finds out about this, they will take you away — Keith Mars (Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”) [Re: dessert for dinner]
- Honey, shouldn’t we try something at the base of the food pyramid? You know—fruits and vegetables — Keith Mars (Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”)
- Hey! Earth to Mars! — Keith Mars (Season 1, Episode 2: “Credit Where Credit’s Due”)
- You don’t go to the Oceanside bars that the college kids hang out at, do you? — Keith Mars (Season 1, Episode 3: “Meet John Smith”)
- Well, we’re all entitled to our own religions, Veronica — Keith Mars (Season 1, Episode 10: “An Echolls Family Christmas”)
- How’s about an early peek at one of your Christmas presents? — Keith Mars (Season 1, Episode 10: “An Echolls Family Christmas”)
- This Christmas, we make our own rules. Follow me! — Keith Mars (Season 1, Episode 10: “An Echolls Family Christmas”)
- That’s not funny — Keith Mars (Season 1, Episode 13: “Lord of the Bling”) [Re: Veronica’s sex quip]
- I nailed our bail jumper one hundred yards from Mexico… Twenty-five hundred bucks. No sack dinners tonight. Tonight we eat like the lower middle class to which we aspire — Keith Mars (Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”)
- Veronica, there are some things in life where you will have to defer to my age and experience. And that, sweet child of mine, is the Chrysler building — Keith Mars (Season 3, Episode 1: “Welcome Wagon”)
- Hot dog! — Keith Mars (Season 3, Episode 1: “Welcome Wagon”) [Expression of excitement]
- Sorry, sweetheart. You can’t buy love. Bored wives of the wealthy, however, can — Keith Mars (Season 3, Episode 11: “Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves”)
- Who’s your daddy? — Keith Mars (Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”) [Followed by Veronica’s response]
Logan Echolls
- I think we have a choice. I think we could take a tough, but survivable amount of pain now, or stay together and deal with unbearable pain later. So I vote for the pain now — Logan Echolls (Season 2, Episode 15: “The Quick and the Wed”) [Breakup with Veronica]
Veronica Mars
- Life’s a bitch until you die — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”) [Interpreting Pope’s quote]
- The moon tells you it starts when it gets dark, The hourglass indicates sand which means it’s the beach, the Ks & the 9s tell you it’s more specifically dog beach. It’s in code so the undesirables, which by the way, is you and me, don’t show up — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 6: “Return of the Kane”) [Decoding a party invite]
- The problem with befriending the leader of a motorcycle gang is at the end of the day, he’s still the leader of a motorcycle gang — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 11: “Silence of the Lamb”) [Re: Weevil]
- What about you, Wallace? Your life still a non-stop Nelly video? — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 3: “Meet John Smith”)
- They gave me a choice. I could stand by my dad, or stand by Duncan and my dead best friend’s family. I chose Dad. It’s a decision I live with every day. And you want to know the kicker? I don’t even know what’s true anymore. Maybe everyone else is right. Maybe Dad screwed up the investigation. Maybe I gave up my circle of friends – my life – over an error in Dad’s judgment — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”) [Voiceover]
- The hero is the one that stays and the villain is the one that splits — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 2: “Credit Where Credit’s Due”) [Voiceover]
- Ahh you know. Lousy conversation but the sex was fantastic — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 13: “Lord of the Bling”)
- You know those people who can predict when change is coming in their life? I’m not one of them. Change has a way of just walking up and punching me in the face — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 2: “Credit Where Credit’s Due”) [Voiceover]
- Meg, you’re the last good person at this school. I’d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning. If you want, I can find who posted that test for you. We’ll clear your name and make somebody pay — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 8: “Like a Virgin”)
- Oh, I am so sick of not having money. I’d be the best rich person. Seriously. I’d be the perfect combination of frivolous and sensible. Money is so wasted on the wealthy — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 15: “Ruskie Business”)
- I prefer the biker bar by the train station. I get more attention there — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 3: “Meet John Smith”) [Sarcastic response]
- Tell me where to put your Father of the Year trophy, ’cause there’s some place I’d like to put it! — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 19: “Hot Dogs”) [To Aaron Echolls]
- Would it be weird for me to start my own drinking game? Like, I have to do a shot every time someone asks for my help? — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 1: “Welcome Wagon”)
- Well, I wanna congratulate you, shake your hand. Congratulations. You’ve been named the world’s biggest cockroach. This award is given in recognition of your unparalleled lack of decency and humanity. Bravo. You’re gonna die friendless and alone — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 12: “Clash of the Tritons”) [To Rick]
- Shut up! If I want you to speak, I’ll wave a snausage over your nose. If you use Mandy again to try to convince yourself you’re not a loser, I will ruin your life, got it? You got it? — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 16: “Betty and Veronica”) [To J.D.]
- I can’t believe that you didn’t! You want people to leave you alone, Mandy, or better yet treat you with respect? Demand it. Make them — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 16: “Betty and Veronica”)
- Last question, actually. Why do you want this position? Honestly – and really tell me the truth – how much of an ass-kiss would I be if I admit it’s to be close to you? Seriously, why do birds suddenly appear every time you’re near? — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 1: “Normal Is the Watchword”) [To Lamb]
- Well, that makes one of us. So are you gonna tell me why I’m here, or should I just sit back and enjoy your impression of a mildly-constipated David Caruso? — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 1: “Normal Is the Watchword”) [To Lamb]
- Oh, you’re being a jackass. It must be an even-numbered day. I do so prefer the odd-numbered days when you’re kissing my ass for a favor — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 3: “Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang”) [To Lamb]
- So, this is sneaking? I’ve got a pantomime-horse disguise you could use. Do either of you have any experience being a horse’s ass? — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 14: “Mars vs. Mars”) [To Logan and Duncan]
- No. Because saving your ass with comment, it just… it works better for me — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 9: “Drinking the Kool-Aid”) [To Logan]
- You know, I’m not sure, but I think when they start shipping your girlfriends off, you are officially a bad boy — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 11: “Donut Run”) [To Duncan]
- Let me guess: you have this pathologically suspicious girlfriend and you hope maybe there’s a guidebook? — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 5: “President Evil”) [To Piz]
- You know how I feel about her! There is no way that at some point while it was happening you weren’t thinking about how much I’d hate you being with her — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 15: “Papa’s Cabin”) [To Logan re: Madison]
- I’m just trying to figure out which Gilmore girl you are — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 1: “Welcome Wagon”) [To Piz]
- I hope we’re still friends after I taser you — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 14: “Mars vs. Mars”) [To Weevil]
- A girl, a teenager, and a private detective – I’m a triple threat. Barely fits on my business card — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 1: “Welcome Wagon”)
- It’s like you’re this giant jackass piñata just waiting for someone to beat the candy out of you — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 6: “Rat Saw God”) [To Logan]
- After all these years, do you not instinctively fear me? — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 11: “Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves”) [To Lamb]
- Could you put your head up your ass before they stuck the egg in there, or is this new? — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 4: “Green-Eyed Monster”) [Sarcastic quip]
- Why do you insist on pissing me off? — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 10: “One Angry Veronica”) [To Logan]
- You get tough. You get even — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 17: “Kanes and Abel’s”) [Advice to a client]
- You’ve nearly warmed this cold, cold heart of mine — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 18: “Weapons of Class Destruction”) [Sarcastic to Ben]
- You know what’s really disturbing about you… other than everything? — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 8: “Ahoy, Mateys!”) [To Logan]
- You seem to care a bit what I think — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 9: “Spit & Eggs”) [To Logan]
- Despite popular opinion you really can’t beat the truth out of someone — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 20: “M.A.D.”) [Voiceover]
- 98 out of 100 people at that party would walk over my corpse for free gum — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 10: “An Echolls Family Christmas”) [Voiceover]
- It’s all fun and games till one of you gets my foot up your ass — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 2: “Driver Ed”) [To a bully]
- If there’s a justification for my actions right now, it’s this: I have gone completely mad — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 7: “Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner”)
- This is where I belong, in the fight. It’s who I am — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 20: “The Bitch Is Back”) [Voiceover]
- I convinced myself winning meant getting out. But in what world do you get to leave the ring and declare victory? — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 20: “The Bitch Is Back”) [Voiceover]
- And I’ll be sittin’ over here, chillin’ like a villain — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 5: “You Think You Know Somebody”) [To Wallace]
- You don’t care now, but holy crap are you gonna care when I start to get my revenge on. You’ll be doing all sorts of carin’ — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 9: “My Mother, the Fiend”) [To a suspect]
- You know, Dad, I’m old school, an eye for an eye — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 21: “A Trip to the Dentist”)
- Tragedy blows through your life like a tornado, uprooting everything. Creating chaos. You wait for the dust to settle and then you choose. You can live in the wreckage and pretend it’s still the mansion you remember. Or you can crawl from the rubble and slowly rebuild — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 22: “Leave It to Beaver”) [Voiceover]
- If I ever die, do me a favor. Go on Oprah and tell the world that I loved kittens — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 7: “The Girl Next Door”) [To Wallace]
- That might play with the masses, but underneath that angry young woman shell, there’s a slightly less angry young woman who’s just dying to bake me something. You’re a marshmallow, Veronica Mars. A twinkie! — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 6: “Return of the Kane”) [Quoting Logan’s taunt back at him]
- I love the smell of testosterone in the morning — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 3: “Wichita Linebacker”)
- In my world, the wicked don’t get parting gifts — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 14: “Versatile Toppings”) [Voiceover]
- Let’s be honest though, the only reason I was allowed past the velvet ropes was Duncan Kane — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”) [Voiceover]
- I hate fake deer, too — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 10: “An Echolls Family Christmas”) [To Logan]
- Just as God made me — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 5: “Blast from the Past”) [Sarcastic response]
- I used to think I knew what tore our family apart. Now I’m sure I don’t. But I promise this: I will find out what really happened, and I will bring this family back together again. I’m sorry, is that mushy? Well, you know what they say. Veronica Mars, she’s a marshmallow — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”) [Voiceover]
- Why can’t the evil just get jobs like the rest of us? — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 12: “Rashard and Wallace Go to White Castle”) [Voiceover]
- Sometimes opportunity doesn’t knock. It waits for everyone to go to lunch, and sneaks in using a key — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 6: “Hi, Infidelity”) [Voiceover]
- Football: the systematic violation of the Geneva Convention made into a sport. I’m surprised the A.S.P.C.A. doesn’t protest — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 3: “Wichita Linebacker”) [Voiceover]
- J. Geils was right. Love stinks. You can dress it up in sequins and shoulder pads, but one way or another, you’re just gonna end up alone at the spring dance strapped in uncomfortable underwear — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 15: “Ruskie Business”) [Voiceover]
- Nobody likes a blonde in a hamster ball — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 1: “Normal Is the Watchword”) [To Lamb]
- Be cool, Soda Pop — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 4: “Charlie Don’t Surf”) [To Logan]
- It’s amazing how fleeting perfection can be — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 4: “The Wrath of Con”) [Voiceover]
- This is my school. If you go here, your parents are either millionaires or your parents work for millionaires. Neptune, California, a town without a middle class. If you’re in the second group, you get a job; fast food, movie theatres, mini-marts. Or you could be me. My after-school job means tailing philandering spouses or investigating false injury claims — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”) [Voiceover]
- That guy’s too big, that guy’s too small, and that guy’s… not a guy. Just in desperate need of a stylist — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 9: “Drinking the Kool-Aid”) [Voiceover]
- Consider my mind blown. Then put back together and blown again — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 13: “Postgame Mortem”) [Re: a twist]
- I’ll destroy you worse — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 17: “Plan B”) [Threat to a suspect]
- You are the last good person here at Neptune High. I believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 8: “Like a Virgin”) [To Meg, shorter version]
- I hate it when you say that — Veronica Mars (Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”) [Response to Keith’s “Who’s your daddy?”]
- We’ve marked your words before, and I don’t know if you know this, but they formed this like, totally false accusation. I know, yikes — Veronica Mars (Season 2, Episode 16: “The Rapes of Graff”) [Sarcastic to Lamb]
- It’s not often you get to see bikini babes in their natural habitat. Such gentle, yet elusive, creatures — Veronica Mars (Season 3, Episode 2: “My Big Fat Greek Rush Week”) [Voiceover]
Wallace Fennel
- Oh, you don’t even want to mess with me on that today — Wallace Fennel (Season 1, Episode 12: “Clash of the Tritons”) [To Veronica]
Other Characters
- Sister, the only time I care what a woman has to say is when she’s riding my big old hog. Even then, it’s not so much words—just a bunch of ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs,’ you know? — Eli “Weevil” Navarro (Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”)
- Dude, what the hell are you doing? Please tell me this is like some reality show called ‘My Skank’ — Dick Casablancas (Season 3, Episode 1: “Welcome Wagon”)
Emma Thompson
Hi, I'm Emma Thompson, founder of MyLittleDesire. I share relationship advice, love quotes, and thoughtful gift ideas to help you express your feelings and strengthen your bonds. Let's celebrate love together!
Email – business@mylittledesire.com
