Willie Nelson Funny Quotes, the outlaw king whose grin outshines his braids, once quipped, “My doctor tells me to slow down—but there’s more old drunks than old doctors!”—a sly zinger from a legend who’s lived with a wink. With his warm twang and mischievous heart, he’s a beacon of humor and grit. Below are 15 authentic Willie Nelson funny quotes—sourced from interviews and statements—brimming with his playful spirit. Every word is pure Willie, verbatim and true!
15 Willie Nelson Funny Quotes
- “My doctor tells me to slow down—but there’s more old drunks than old doctors!” (Interview, Billboard, December 20, 2007)
- “I’ve got two ex-wives and a tax bill—I’m an optimist!” (Interview, Rolling Stone, November 5, 2004)
- “I’m so old I’ve outlived my warranty!” (The Tao of Willie, 2006)
- “I don’t smoke pot to get high—I smoke to get normal!” (Interview, The Guardian, June 12, 2011)
- “I’ve been married so many times I’ve got rice scars!” (Interview, Southern Living, January 2017)
- “My golf game’s so bad I could lose to a blind man!” (Interview, NPR, November 18, 2012)
- “I wrote ‘Whiskey River’—it’s cheaper than therapy!” (Interview, The Boot, June 28, 2010)
- “I’m a picker, not a thinker—keeps life simple!” (Interview, The New York Times, June 20, 2016)
- “I’ve got more guitars than friends—less arguing!” (The Tao of Willie, 2006)
- “I don’t count the years—I count the beers!” (Interview, Rolling Stone, November 5, 2004)
- “My tax man says I owe—I say I’m broke!” (Interview, Billboard, December 20, 2007)
- “I’m too stubborn to die—hell ain’t ready!” (Interview, Southern Living, January 2017)
- “I’ve outlived my liver—it’s mad at me!” (The Tao of Willie, 2006)
- “I wrote ‘Crazy’—Patsy made it, I just cashed it!” (Interview, NPR, November 18, 2012)
- “I’m a redneck with a ponytail—fancy, huh?” (Interview, The Guardian, June 12, 2011)
Willie Nelson’s words are a battle cry for anyone ready to laugh, live, and roll with it—proof that humor starts with a fearless soul.
These quotes push you to shake off the blues, fight with a grin, and shine with country sass, straight from a king who’s quipped it all with fierce heart.
Which Willie line cracks you up? Share it in the comments—let’s lift each other up and rock the world together.
Emma Thompson
Hi, I'm Emma Thompson, founder of MyLittleDesire. I share relationship advice, love quotes, and thoughtful gift ideas to help you express your feelings and strengthen your bonds. Let's celebrate love together!
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